Today I briefly considered the pros and cons of putting my computer career on hold so I could work for a crime scene cleanup company for a while. I know it might sound a bit morbid but the idea would be to stare directly into the harsh light of day if only to prove to myself that I could.

First I wondered what it pays. Then I wondered what sort of effect it might have on my perspective in the short term and then in the years after the experience. Somebody has to do it. Not to mention driving the ambulance and figuring out what the hell happened (but both of those require more training than I'd be willing to commit to.) These are all noble professions. They are necessary and mostly thankless. That's appealingly real.

This is a sign that I am craving a new adventure lately. Desire becoming desperation. It's time to kick up some dust. Time to get real for a minute. My job and my life in general has become so abstract it's begun to feel like a video game. I suppose that fact by itself is not so bad but it's beginning to feel like a particularly repetitive game. To unplug would be both liberating and terrifying.

Luck smiled upon me last night. I was granted a conversation with an rl angel. If only. If only I didn't care about the turmoil it would cause to get my way. If only I could read minds. These rare shining jewels can't be ignored. So hard to concentrate today with her spirit hovering around me. [flutter] No, bad alex! No biscuit. WILL NOT INDULGE DELUSION. [beats inner child with orange in a sock]

Soon I'll get the changes I'm asking for now but then I'll only want stability and peace. These are good problems to have. Thank you for going easy on me.